To Vent Or Not To Vent? How To Set Ground Rules For Communication During A Divorce
When you are facing a divorce, it is likely to cause pain to you and your future ex in a variety of ways. This is an inevitable part of nearly any divorce. However, there are things that you and your spouse can do to make things easier for both of you. After you have consulted with a divorce attorney regarding the best steps forward for your divorce, you should let your spouse know where you stand and bring up how you want to communicate going forward. Here are some ways that you can set communication ground rules going forward.
Make a Vow to Keep Things Kind and Civil
You and your spouse don't need to become enemies simply because you find out that you cannot stay married. Whether or not there is acrimony between you as the divorce proceeds, you don't have to attack one another or exchange insults. Speak up about the fact that you are willing to make a vow to keep things kind and civil, no matter what disagreements may arise. Your spouse may follow your lead and agree to the same. That can help both of you move forward in a happier way.
Discuss Communication Preferences
You may feel like you know your future ex more than anyone else in the world, but you may not be able to predict what they'd prefer when it comes to communicating with you moving forward. The relationship is going to change, and you should not expect anything to be like it used to be. Take the risk of expressing your communication preferences, and ask your spouse for theirs. For example, you may state that you'd prefer only to email them for the next few months. On the other hand, if they state that they would prefer weekly phone conversations, you may end up doing both or compromising somewhere in the middle. When you have this discussion, you prevent frustration on both parts because you know what to expect and what is acceptable.
Set Strong, Clear Boundaries
It may be painful to set boundaries with the person who used to share your life, but it can be the healthiest thing to do during a divorce. Be sure to state these boundaries up front to prevent hurt feelings and the subsequent breakdown in communication that can follow. For example, if your future ex is allowed to stop by your home without calling, let them know. On the other hand, if you don't want to see your spouse without an appointment, this should be stated up front.
Finally, keep in mind that your divorce lawyer can help with many different aspects of your divorce. If you are unsure whether you should disclose something to your spouse during the divorce proceedings, be sure to seek the advice of your divorce attorney. It is possible to be kind and communicative throughout the entire divorce, while also working with an attorney to protect your best interests.